15.5 years ago I joined LinkedIn. I know this because I looked it up, I don’t want people thinking I actually have this anniversary locked into my head or anything, I struggle with my daughter’s birthday so LinkedIn has no chance.
I tell you this because in that 15.5 years I have found LinkedIn useful, zero times. I haven’t found someone to network with or collaborate with or even mingle with. There is a really good reason for that (and not just my crippling fear of social interaction) it’s because LinkedIn isn’t for normal people.
I mean it, no normal person uses LinkedIn. I will explain what I mean. For example, if someone on LinkedIn sends me a message it is normally along the lines of:
“Hello Simon, I believe there may be an exciting opportunity to leverage our synergies…”
I don’t know what a synergy is but I am fairly sure I don’t have any, and why would I want to leverage them anyway, are they useful for leverage?
Networking
LinkedIn was started as a way for professionals to meet other professionals and network. The idea was pretty simple, you met people and you talked. You found people who did interesting things that might help you and vice versa. You needed an artist for your game, you could find them on LinkedIn, you need a programmer who understood C#, LinkedIn could help.
But these days it seems to have turned into Facebook for people wearing ties.
Social Media for AI Chat Bots
We've got AI-generated videos and AI-written posts. These generally have AI-generated comments replying to the AI-generated posts. Sometimes you have AI-generated comments replying to AI-generated comments which in turn are replies to AI-generated posts.
At this stage LinkedIn appears to be 100% AI and no actual people. Maybe that should be its new selling point, Social Media for AI Chat Bots.
Of course, people use AI so they can write using enormous words to describe extremely simple things. Six paragraphs about "the transformative paradigm of collaborative innovation" when the actual prompt was:
“Dave from accounts had a good idea, how do I tell everyone on LinkedIn.”
Personally, I want to know about Dave and what his idea was. I want Dave to explain the idea in simple language that doesn’t make my head hurt. I don’t care about the paradigm of collaborative innovation, no one cares about that, we care about Dave!
Inspirational Stuff
Of course, that’s bad enough but then there are the inspirational posts, the ones that are supposed to make you look at your life and consider where you went wrong.
“I woke up at 4:37am and realised something profound…”
This will be something really amazing like he has realised that to have a successful business you need to make money. If I wrote about every time I wake up on LinkedIn it would say:
“Woke up at 4:37am to have a pee and then again at 6:03am.”
Course we also have the straight-talking professional for whom money is the only goal in life.
“I made my first million before breakfast…”
Well, Mr Professional, I didn’t even have breakfast so I am actually £1.20 ahead on the day already.
Words of Wisdom
“I still remember the words of my old manager…”
These are always really profound, of course.
“My manager always said, team is an anagram of meat and you are the meat in my sandwich.”
They are never what your manager really said:
“No, you can’t have 2 weeks off for spinal surgery, you can take the morning though.”
Or better yet, the really inspirational stuff a manager taught you, like I had whose words of wisdom are still in my head today:
“If you leave your coat on your chair and go home, people still think you are here.”
Maybe We Could Just Talk?
Underneath all the AI, algorithms, personal branding and professional waffle, I think LinkedIn could still be a useful place for professionals to hang out. But it needs to be about people. Everyone is so concerned about the “Professional Look” that they have forgotten about themselves. I am not talking about the huge multinational, I am talking about the guy who sits alone at his computer and creates interesting programs or the woman who spends her time creating brilliant animation frames in 2D.
These are the people I want to network with. Actual people, being slightly awkward, saying something interesting, making a joke. This is called having a conversation. It’s not AI-driven, it’s not about the algorithms, it’s about personality and being real.
Maybe it’s admitting you don't have a five-year strategic roadmap for your life. Maybe it’s admitting that you don’t actually know what a paradigm is. Maybe it’s realising that sometimes people are human.
Just Say Hello
So if you see me on LinkedIn (I am well aware of the irony of me lambasting the place and still using it) and you fancy talking to me, don't send me a carefully constructed outreach sequence.
Just say:
“Hi Simon, you sound fun. Let's chat.”
I might actually go:
“Ooo, okay.”