Sultan's Maze box art
Sometimes you come across a game that you really want to be able to play but, for some reason, you can't. I don't mean you haven't got the right computer or console, more that you simply don't understand how the game works. A bit like a role-playing board game involving dragons and dungeons (now that is a great title), where the instructions are 50 pages long and you have to consult them after every move.
Sultan's Maze is one of those games, well, at least it was for me. Growing up, this game sat there teasing me with the promise of magic and monsters, and yet when I loaded it, I got confused in the first 30 seconds of gameplay and didn't try again for another two months.
To be fair, I should have read the instructions that appear at the start of the game. That might have helped, but dammit, if I wanted to read, I'd read a book!
Today, though, I am going to give it a proper try. I am actually going to play the game and read the instructions. Prepare yourself, we are in for a wild ride, I reckon.
The Story
The Sultan of Baghdad is visiting 14th-century England. And he couldn't have picked a better century, what with the Black Plague, the Great Famine in Europe, and England going to war with everyone because they weren't English.
During his time in jolly old England, he is "set upon by a band of cutthroat vagabonds". Just like London in 2026 (ooo, political).
You will notice the word vagabonds, not thieves, not scallys, no, vagabonds. This game is going to be serious, with a capital S!
They steal his treasure chest, which contained six priceless rubies. Does he really need six priceless rubies? If they are priceless, then surely he only needs one because it's priceless. Also, what is he doing with them in the first place? Is he just showing off, or is he heading to the nearest Cash Converters?
The Sultan's personal champion figures he will chase the robbers. Now, why on earth didn't he just attack them when they were robbing the Sultan? I mean, unless he's a champion of chess or Snap or something, that would make sense.
He chases them into Hampton Court Maze. Now, call me Mr Pedantic, but the maze at Hampton Court wasn't built until the 18th century. Do we have to assume that some kind of time travel is involved as well, because that would certainly make this game much better?
Anyway, he is attacked and killed, so I might be right about him being a champion of chess. Maybe he tried to attack them with his Queen to Bishop 7, and they just clubbed him to death.
The ghost of the champion now spends his life roaming the maze, attacking anyone who enters it.
"However, the bodyguard was never of great intelligence." This is an actual line from the story. Why is it important? I have no idea, but clearly, let's all shit on the bodyguard!
You need to avoid the ghost and find the gems (which were dropped and not picked up), say a magic word, and be transported back in time to either the 18th century, where the maze is, or the 14th century, probably to be killed by the Sultan because he assumes you are some kind of devil.
The Rules
After the story, we get three screens of rules, which say things like:
"Leaving the maze reduces your score by 100 points; you receive 1 point per unit of energy left."
And:
"Jumping costs you 8 units of energy, and carrying a jewel and jumping will cost you an additional 4."
What! I just want to play a game. If I wanted this level of rules, I would break out D&D and pretend I knew how to play it!
Eventually, you get to the screen explaining the controls, where you once again cry.
Gameplay
Okay, so this is the map. I'm the happy dude, and the ghost is, well, he looks upset. No wonder, after what it said about him earlier.
The maze
Let's walk forward a bit. It would appear that the screen is redrawn after every move, and it's a bit like a turn-based strategy game. Except apparently the ghost is always moving.
Although he follows the path of the maze, he's a ghost; can't he just fly through the maze hedges? Although it did say he was a bit special.
Now, apparently, just around this corner is a Priceless Ruby? Ready... Erm... I mean, really, that's the best they could draw? It hardly says anything priceless.
Apparently, this is a priceless ruby
Who the hell drew these graphics? They put more effort into the plane that randomly flies across the screen.
I struggle with the graphics on this one. On the surface, I feel that it is an 8-bit game from the early days of the machine, and on the other hand, I want to be really mean and say I drew better graphics in MS Paint.
It's the odd choices that I struggle with the most. Clearly, it wants to be a very serious game, but then it draws the sun with a happy face?
A very serious sun
The manta ray standing in front of the castle was also very confusing.
The hedges take forever to draw, which would be forgivable if they resembled hedges; they look like green corrugated cardboard.
The Box Art
The reason I played it at all was entirely down to the box art.
Look at that box art. Take your time.
Firstly, tell me that isn't a freaking wizard in the background. Look at him. He had a wizard's hat, a wizard's robes, a wizard's beard. That's a freaking wizard!
Now look at the monster. It's either a werewolf or Bigfoot enjoying his holiday in England. Either way, that's a monster. A physical entity seemingly made of hair, possibly a really bad taxidermist job, but still, it's physical.
Now go back over the story. Did anyone mention a wizard or a monster? No, not at all!
Why are they on the box art then?
I will tell you why: because the person who drew the art heard the words "Sultan" and "Maze" and decided to draw whatever the hell he wanted. I bet his name is Kevin.
Well, Kevin, I hate you. I was promised a game with a Bigfoot and a wizard; instead, I got a thick ghost and cardboard!
Slow, Confusing and Slightly Miserable
When I was six, I apparently used to spend hours watching raindrops race down the kitchen window. I would do that now rather than play Sultan's Maze again.
Firstly, it's slow; the redraw takes a few seconds, which isn't forever but just feels like it. The game takes itself way too seriously, with all the rules that don't actually make much difference to the gameplay.
I suppose it's possible someone playing would actually take the rules into account and only jump through a hedge with a ruby if the moon was full, or whatever the rule said, but I can't imagine most people have the time.
Sultan's Maze
A painfully slow and confusing maze game that takes itself far too seriously, while promising wizards and monsters that never actually appear.
Slow, confusing and far too serious for its own good. I wanted a wizard and a monster. Instead, I got a thick ghost and cardboard. I'm off to file my complaint with Kevin.